1
00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:05,820
A new world enslaved.
2
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:12,074
This is a land
in need of a hero.
3
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,327
They call him
4
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:18,204
Machete. Machete.
Machete.
5
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,416
He knows the score.
6
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:23,842
We need a leader.
7
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,420
We need a revolution.
8
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,176
We need you, Machete.
9
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,349
He gets the space babes.
10
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,052
The people
need us, Machete.
11
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,682
This is a new Network.
12
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,640
It's all galactic and shit.
13
00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:40,647
He thinks he's God
in Heaven.
14
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:43,274
So Heaven must fall.
15
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:46,482
And he kills
the bad guys.
16
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,530
Starring Danny Trejo,
17
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,782
Michelle Rodriguez...
18
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,534
Eat photons, bitches.
19
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,291
...Alexa Vega.
20
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,040
With Justin Bieber as Bleep.
21
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:05,550
And Lady Gaga as
22
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,004
whoever she wants to be.
23
00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:12,683
With special guest star
24
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:18,438
Leonardo DiCaprio as
the Man in the Silver Mask.
25
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,434
Actor subject to change
26
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,734
Machete Kills Again...
27
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,901
...In Space.
28
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,491
Rated X for cigarette use,
prolonged sexual content,
29
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,413
pervasive language
and space violence.
30
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,298
Where the fuck are they?
31
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,226
Hands up, assholes!
32
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,973
ICE. You're under arrest!
33
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:42,973
Stay down!
34
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,309
Immigration?
35
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,145
The fuck is this?
36
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,354
What the fuck
does it look like?
37
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:50,906
Get your ass
on the ground.
38
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,656
Sweetheart, I'd lose whatever
strapdick you rode in on...
39
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,209
Don't call me sweetheart.
40
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,252
Move and I'll blow
your brains out.
41
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,083
You can't!
You don't have jurisdiction!
42
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,840
We're the goddamned military!
43
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:15,172
You're selling military
weapons to the cartel.
44
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,925
Did you really think
they were gonna pay you?
45
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,470
You're lucky we got here first.
46
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,523
Cartel.
47
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,304
Where's el cohete?
48
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,052
It's about goddamn time!
49
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,929
You fuckholes were
supposed to be waiting.
50
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,983
Save these two for me.
51
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,287
I know you.
52
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:28,587
You're Machete.
Enemy of the cartels.
53
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,710
It's my lucky day.
54
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:35,090
A man who kills a legend
becomes a legend himself.
55
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:39,931
Who are these guys?
56
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:03,864
All right, let's go.
57
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,164
No! He said "cohete."
58
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:08,494
These guys are pros. They didn't come
here for a couple of used M-16s.
59
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:09,703
Let's go,
it's not worth it.
60
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,459
You're the one that
taught me that the law
61
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,632
and justice aren't
always the same thing.
62
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,627
We gotta stop 'em.
63
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,380
Oh, shit.
64
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,437
I wish you hadn't seen this.
65
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,138
You have the right
to remain silent.
66
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:46,968
Anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.
67
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:55,313
That is quite
the resume you got there, Taco.
68
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:56,689
I mean, one might
consider you
69
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:59,692
to be a bit of an overachiever
when it comes to killing people.
70
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:03,776
I bet you consider yourself a
mean motor scooter, don't you?
71
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,994
Especially now we
got 24 cartel boys
72
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,368
laid out in pieces
all over my desert.
73
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,575
Well, I got news
for you, Taco.
74
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,707
They was the reserves.
They was the peons.
75
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:18,715
They're the red-headed mongoloid
runts of Los Cuerpos,
76
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,009
and Los Cuerpos
don't take kindly
77
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,052
to strangers
disciplining their own.
78
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:25,347
Can I get an amen
on that, Clebourne?
79
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,719
Amen, sir.
80
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:30,010
See, here's the bad
news for you, Taco.
81
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:33,597
I'm the only one who plays
vigilante around these parts.
82
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:37,734
And since you just killed
yourself a Federal officer,
83
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:43,024
I'm about to have me and mine
a hog-killing good time.
84
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,983
I didn't kill her.
85
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,861
Tomato, tomato.
86
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,948
Let's not get hung up
on the details, shall we?
87
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,453
Drop him, Clebourne.
88
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,908
Well, I'll be goddamned.
89
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,698
They say
he doesn't die, sir.
90
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:33,448
Been shot, stabbed.
91
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:36,080
Doesn't ever die.
92
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,706
Bull-fucking-shit.
93
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,255
This Pedro has just
got a thick neck is all.
94
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,057
Sheriff, it's for you.
95
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,889
It damn sure ain't the governor.
96
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,354
It's the President.
97
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:03,020
The President.
Yeah?
98
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:08,233
Of course, Mr. President.
Yes, sir.
99
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,469
This is Machete.
100
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,926
Machete.
101
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,344
Welcome to
the White House.
102
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,471
Good thing we got
to you when we did.
103
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:39,180
Southern hospitality
can be a bitch.
104
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,053
Why am I here?
105
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,638
Right to the point.
I like that.
106
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,849
No bullshit.
107
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:49,027
I'm a bit of a
no-bullshit guy myself.
108
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,397
So, all bullshit aside...
109
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,858
Get someone else.
110
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,159
We need you, Machete.
111
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,415
We got a situation
on our hands.
112
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,619
There's a revolutionary south of
the border named Marcos Mendez.
113
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,079
You heard of him?
114
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,789
He's crazy.
He's out of his mind.
115
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,465
He's got a missile
aimed at Washington.
116
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,639
He says he's gonna blow us up
if we don't invade Mexico,
117
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,341
clean up the cartels,
and stop the violence
118
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:20,801
they're spreading
across the land.
119
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,635
What's that got
to do with me?
120
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:26,769
The basic violation of sovereignty
aside, we can't take the bait.
121
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,985
However, you know Mexico.
Hell, you are Mexico.
122
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,812
I want you
to head back south,
123
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:36,195
find Mendez,
and just check him out.
124
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,244
But if what
he's saying is true,
125
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,409
kill him.
126
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,875
I'm not interested.
127
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:51,005
Motherfucker, I'm not asking
if you're interested.
128
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,755
I'm the President of the
United fucking States, man.
129
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,595
Machete don't smoke.
130
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:07,021
I could just as easily
send you back to your pals
131
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,848
in Hang 'Em High,
Arizona.
132
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:13,107
The way I see it, you ain't
got much to chew on, hombre.
133
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,112
You know what this is?
134
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,493
Your criminal record.
135
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:23,993
Do this for us
and, poof, it's gone.
136
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,040
Your past
no longer exists.
137
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:30,291
In exchange for your services,
I'm making you legal.
138
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,747
You don't have
to sign anything,
139
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,251
raise your right hand,
none of that shit.
140
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,174
I just stamp this
bad motherfucker,
141
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,381
and you are now an official
citizen of the USA.
142
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:47,562
I just saved you from your noose.
143
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:48,809
Save me from mine.
144
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,687
Do it for your country,
your new country.
145
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:59,115
Isn't that what your dead
girlfriend would want?
146
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:00,988
Agent Sartana?
147
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,531
If you won't do this
for me, Machete,
148
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,909
do it for her.
149
00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:22,509
Your contact
is in San Antonio.
150
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,182
She'll brief you and get you
across the border wall.
151
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,179
Your nation owes you a debt
of gratitude, Machete.
152
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,807
Go kick some ass.
153
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:36,941
Ladies and gentlemen, El Rey
Network's very own Miss Texas Pageant
154
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:40,865
presents Miss San Antonio!
155
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,237
Thank you.
156
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,285
What do I believe?
157
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,326
I believe ¡n the word "equality."
158
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:49,328
I believe in a woman's
right to choose.
159
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,454
Choose what?
160
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,410
A snow cone, if that's what
she's in the mood for.
161
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:55,963
I believe in good barbecue, the
two-step, and the right to carry a gun.
162
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:58,336
World peace?
Sure, why not?
163
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,293
But if we really wanna
talk about world peace,
164
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:03,220
we have to start by tearing down that
wall that separates us from Mexico.
165
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,298
That wall only enables
us to ignore
166
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,349
the violence and injustice
that is occurring down there,
167
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:11,726
thus making world peace nothing more
than a beauty pageant pipe dream.
168
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,390
God bless Texas.
169
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,771
Thank you.
170
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,425
You must be Machete.
171
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:44,929
Blanca Vasquez.
172
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,803
Codename,
Miss San Antonio.
173
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,177
I'll be your handler for the
duration of your assignment.
174
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,227
You get into a stitch,
175
00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:54,021
and I'll be in your ear
with the what's what,
176
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,565
the who's who and the
when's where of it all.
177
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,820
Try not to be distracted by the
cleavage and the hairspray.
178
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:03,614
It's part of my cover.
179
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,824
This gig keeps me
close to the border
180
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:12,248
and the designer duds
ain't bad, either.
181
00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,041
What happened
to world peace?
182
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,117
Fuck world peace.
183
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,078
The M4 carbine long-range.
184
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:21,883
It's got reflex sights, micro-polymer
grip, a customized trigger.
185
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,710
Fast enough to nip a
jackrabbit on roller skates.
186
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,757
That is, of course,
187
00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,259
you happen to come across a
jackrabbit on roller skates.
188
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:31,388
Or, my personal favorite,
the grappler.
189
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,469
Fires up to 30 yards.
190
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:37,228
Good for when you gotta scratch
those hard to reach places.
191
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,432
I like this.
192
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,519
I like your style.
Low-tech.
193
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:44,481
But this ain't your
mama's cane cutter.
194
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:48,990
Consider this the Swiss
Army Knife of machetes.
195
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,696
Machete.
196
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,866
Tell me about Mendez.
197
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,831
Marcos Mendez
is the most sick and twisted
198
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,038
fuckity-fox I've ever
had to keep tabs on.
199
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:03,250
People down south call him
Marcos the Madman.
200
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,130
He used to run
with Los Cuerpos
201
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,961
until one day
he wakes up
202
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:10,594
and decides he's gonna turn on the
cartel, fight for the people.
203
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,721
We figure he's laired-up
in the jungle somewhere
204
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,677
since our satellites
can't pinpoint him.
205
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,139
Our only lead is
this prizewinner,
206
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,816
a working girl, goes
by the name of Cereza.
207
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,564
Find her, find Mendez.
208
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,611
Where can I find her?
In Acapulco.
209
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:28,112
Her information, including the address
to her brothel, is in this dossier.
210
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,567
Uh, uh, uh.
211
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:32,787
First, I'm gonna need
something from you.
212
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:35,706
See, even here,
people talk about Machete.
213
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:38,200
The man.
214
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,545
The myth.
215
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,670
The legend.
216
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:48,299
I just wanna know the
legend inside and out.
217
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,471
I just lost someone.
218
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:56,720
Why don't you let me turn that
frown upside down, Papi?
219
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,424
How long
since you've been back?
220
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,843
Since before
the wall went up.
221
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,678
A lot has changed
since then.
222
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,855
It's a run and gun
free-for-all out there.
223
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,682
Acapulco is a war zone,
224
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,438
and we're dropping you
right in the middle of it.
225
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,691
Here. It's a direct
line to yours truly.
226
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,236
You get into a pinch, you just
press pound to phone home.
227
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,659
It's good for calls,
texts, tweets.
228
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,281
Machete don't tweet.
229
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,281
You do now.
230
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,457
You ready for this?
231
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,001
Good luck
on that pageant.
232
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,453
I'm gonna need
a lot more than luck!
233
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,413
Did you see the ass
on Miss Corpus Christi?
234
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,231
All right.
235
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:35,739
For all of you new girls,
it's peso-pussy Tuesday.
236
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:41,245
So keep your panties dropped, your legs
spread, and your snatch well-oiled,
237
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,667
'cause you're not walking any
straight lines tomorrow.
238
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,377
As you know,
239
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:50,084
every jerk-off low-life from
this side of Rio Grande
240
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:53,670
is gonna pile through that door
as soon as the sun comes down,
241
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:57,758
so get them off
and get them out.
242
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:03,938
And, ladies, every stiff pecker
in my parlor pays to play.
243
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:07,065
No freebies.
Those are house rules.
244
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:09,439
Doors open
in five minutes.
245
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,774
You're early, handsome.
246
00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:19,283
But then again, the early
bird gets the fresh egg.
247
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,580
I'm looking for a girl.
248
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:24,204
And I'm looking at a man that
came to the right place.
249
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,535
Pick your poison.
250
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,120
This is the one I want.
251
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,047
Why this one?
252
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,469
Best in Mexico.
253
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:37,797
Have a seat on the couch,
lover boy.
254
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,757
I'll go fetch her for you.
255
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,376
Where's the girl?
256
00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:11,756
Upstairs. Room six.
But don't go.
257
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,084
You'll miss the peepshow.
258
00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:21,428
I blew my wad,
lover boy.
259
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,225
Get him!
260
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:38,278
Who the fuck are you?
261
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:39,483
Machete.
262
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:41,865
I've heard
Mendez speak of you.
263
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:43,821
You want to use me
to get to him?
264
00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:47,616
Take me.
265
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,918
Now.
266
00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:55,382
Cereza!
267
00:23:00,004 --> 00:23:02,507
I said no freebies.
268
00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:09,643
You know, the first thing we are
taught is to defend ourselves.
269
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:12,396
Any one of us
could have killed you.
270
00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:13,896
You think my mom
had bite?
271
00:23:13,976 --> 00:23:16,900
Mendez is gonna gut
you like a game hen.
272
00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:18,731
That was your mother?
273
00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:21,283
You're here to kill him,
aren't you?
274
00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:23,952
Look, don't be
a fucking hero, man.
275
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:27,452
Mendez is many things, but
merciful is not one of them.
276
00:23:27,865 --> 00:23:30,744
He'll skin you alive for
laying your hands on me.
277
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:33,670
I'm his cereza,
his virgin.
278
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,841
Mendez isn't who
you think he is.
279
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:40,466
The terrible things he did, he
did them for the greater good.
280
00:23:40,544 --> 00:23:43,423
All he truly wants
is a better Mexico.
281
00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:46,224
Machete, you have
to promise me
282
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,974
you'll spare his life
and help him.
283
00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:51,058
Please, Machete.
284
00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:56,353
If you've ever loved
anyone, you'd understand.
285
00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:09,702
Do nothing, say nothing,
or you're dead.
286
00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:14,878
Who's this?
287
00:24:15,037 --> 00:24:17,415
New bodyguard.
Mother's orders.
288
00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:19,917
Go ahead, Zaror.
Call it in.
289
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:22,052
Tell Mendez the muscle
comes or I don't.
290
00:24:38,227 --> 00:24:39,274
Yes.
291
00:24:39,603 --> 00:24:41,071
So here's the thing.
292
00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:45,110
He's lost his mind. There
are two sides to him now.
293
00:24:45,442 --> 00:24:50,118
Some days he's Mendez the
Revolutionary, fighting for the people.
294
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,830
But other days he's
Mendez the Madman,
295
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:55,877
reliving his cartel glory.
296
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:58,130
It's a toss-up which
one you're gonna get.
297
00:24:58,288 --> 00:25:02,134
So he'll either hug you
or he'll kill you.
298
00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:04,586
His condition gets worse every day.
299
00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:09,933
The boss has a message
for you, Machete.
300
00:25:21,645 --> 00:25:23,113
End of message.
301
00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:46,299
WOW!
302
00:25:48,797 --> 00:25:51,846
Look what the little
whore dragged in.
303
00:25:52,009 --> 00:25:54,103
Machete Cortez.
304
00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:57,143
Yes, I've heard
your stories.
305
00:25:58,515 --> 00:26:01,143
People still sing
songs about you.
306
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:05,857
Raise your hand
if you have sung a song
307
00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:07,532
about our friend
Machete here.
308
00:26:17,493 --> 00:26:23,171
Only son of a bitch who gets his
praises sung around here is me.
309
00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:27,837
So tell me, Machete, what did
you think of my Cereza, huh?
310
00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:30,260
It's a shame
I had to let her go,
311
00:26:30,339 --> 00:26:33,183
but by bringing you here
she betrayed me.
312
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:36,845
She was trying
to save you.
313
00:26:37,137 --> 00:26:38,184
You know what this is?
314
00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:41,684
This is the enema
I plan to fire up
315
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:43,565
the asshole of
the United States.
316
00:26:44,061 --> 00:26:45,688
Why, Mendez?
317
00:26:46,188 --> 00:26:49,408
Because our people don't
need songs or stories.
318
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:51,531
They need action.
319
00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:53,074
There's other ways.
320
00:26:53,403 --> 00:26:56,031
The motherfuckers
run this country,
321
00:26:56,198 --> 00:26:59,873
the corrupt politicians,
the media, hiding the truth,
322
00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:03,380
and the cartels killing anything and
anyone who stands in their path.
323
00:27:03,539 --> 00:27:07,043
The US is responsible
for a lot of this.
324
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:09,928
So since they don't take care
of their part of the problem,
325
00:27:10,087 --> 00:27:12,556
then we will send our part
of the problem to them.
326
00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:13,848
You're crazy.
327
00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:17,386
With a capital
muchacho.
328
00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:20,230
I know why
you're here, Machete.
329
00:27:20,931 --> 00:27:22,604
You work for
the enemy now, huh?
330
00:27:22,891 --> 00:27:24,063
Mmm.
331
00:27:24,434 --> 00:27:26,903
Just another Pancho
doing their dirty work.
332
00:27:28,438 --> 00:27:30,281
I got news
for you, cabrón.
333
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,238
Killing me ain't
in the cards.
334
00:27:32,401 --> 00:27:37,749
'Cause I am the ticking, ticking
wrath of Mexico, motherfucker.
335
00:27:38,532 --> 00:27:40,455
Thanks to my good
doctor here,
336
00:27:41,535 --> 00:27:46,462
that missile's system
is linked right into my heart.
337
00:27:46,623 --> 00:27:49,092
So if my heart
stops beating,
338
00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:51,379
Washington will become
the bright shining light
339
00:27:51,461 --> 00:27:53,134
it always thought it was.
340
00:27:55,757 --> 00:27:56,758
Disarm it.
341
00:27:57,426 --> 00:28:00,100
There's only two men in the
world who know how to do that.
342
00:28:02,639 --> 00:28:04,107
Correction, one.
343
00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:05,435
Who's the other one?
344
00:28:05,601 --> 00:28:08,104
The one who created this
beautiful device, of course.
345
00:28:08,270 --> 00:28:11,774
But since he lives in the US,
I'm afraid you are fucked.
346
00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:13,613
Your mission is over,
cabrón.
347
00:28:14,276 --> 00:28:15,619
You have failed.
348
00:28:18,655 --> 00:28:20,328
Machete don't fail.
349
00:28:30,959 --> 00:28:32,336
What you gonna do,
you gonna kill me?
350
00:28:32,502 --> 00:28:34,721
That's a motherfucking
bomb, pendejo!
351
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:35,763
I'm not gonna kill you.
352
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:39,264
I'm gonna kill your men, steal your
choppers, get you over the wall.
353
00:28:39,343 --> 00:28:40,515
Leave him to me!
354
00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:43,013
And find the other one
that can disarm you.
355
00:28:44,806 --> 00:28:46,433
Shoot me!
356
00:28:53,815 --> 00:28:57,490
Let me take care
of him. Please.
357
00:29:21,051 --> 00:29:23,019
You won't
make it, amigo.
358
00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:24,851
Even if we get out
of here alive,
359
00:29:24,930 --> 00:29:27,228
my men are instructed
to put a bounty on my head.
360
00:29:27,391 --> 00:29:28,563
$10 million.
361
00:29:28,725 --> 00:29:31,399
We won't survive a mile,
let alone the border.
362
00:29:31,728 --> 00:29:33,321
And the best part is,
363
00:29:35,148 --> 00:29:38,869
the fail-safe on my ticker
here just went live.
364
00:29:39,695 --> 00:29:41,163
You have 24 hours,
my friend.
365
00:29:44,533 --> 00:29:47,582
$10 million! If the assassins
don't get us, the cartels will.
366
00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:49,337
Hell, anyone with
a loaded weapon
367
00:29:49,413 --> 00:29:51,336
and a bill to pay
will make a run at us.
368
00:29:51,498 --> 00:29:54,718
And, boy, it's a long way
to the wall.
369
00:30:39,629 --> 00:30:42,473
Yeah? What's the status?
Is he dead?
370
00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:44,513
I have Mendez
in custody.
371
00:30:44,593 --> 00:30:46,641
In a chopper.
He's alive.
372
00:30:46,803 --> 00:30:47,804
Wait a second.
373
00:30:52,309 --> 00:30:55,313
Machete, what's this I hear about
you having Mendez in custody?
374
00:30:55,479 --> 00:30:57,652
Things got complicated.
No shit!
375
00:30:57,814 --> 00:30:59,532
You were supposed to take him
out, not give him a joyride
376
00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:01,110
on the Good Ship Lollipop!
377
00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:03,495
Damn it, I didn't recruit you
for your sense of compassion.
378
00:31:03,653 --> 00:31:05,655
Machete kills.
379
00:31:05,822 --> 00:31:08,450
That's what he does! He
doesn't save the bad guys!
380
00:31:08,617 --> 00:31:10,290
Now shoot that motherfucker!
381
00:31:10,452 --> 00:31:13,296
If he dies, you die. The
missile is wired to his heart.
382
00:31:13,455 --> 00:31:15,332
Come again?
383
00:31:15,499 --> 00:31:16,967
Machete, can it
be disarmed?
384
00:31:17,042 --> 00:31:18,669
Only where it was made.
385
00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:21,505
VozTech.
386
00:31:21,671 --> 00:31:24,345
VozTech is the biggest weapons
supplier to our military!
387
00:31:24,424 --> 00:31:26,677
You want to bring him all the way
back to the fucking manufacturer?
388
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:28,762
I need your help
getting him across the border.
389
00:31:28,845 --> 00:31:31,223
This is part of something big.
I can feel it.
390
00:31:31,306 --> 00:31:32,432
Not happening.
391
00:31:32,516 --> 00:31:34,189
Last time I sent a black
op team into Mexico,
392
00:31:34,267 --> 00:31:36,065
they got dead and I got
the Oval ass-fuck.
393
00:31:36,144 --> 00:31:37,487
You're on our own, Machete.
394
00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:39,944
We cannot help you until you're
out of Mexico. You hear me?
395
00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:41,991
Get the hell out of there
as fast as you can!
396
00:31:42,442 --> 00:31:43,944
Machete, double-time it
to the border.
397
00:31:44,111 --> 00:31:45,579
I'll assist you as
much as possible,
398
00:31:45,654 --> 00:31:47,452
but you've got
to move your ass!
399
00:33:06,401 --> 00:33:07,698
Oh, what happened?
400
00:33:11,031 --> 00:33:12,248
You don't remember?
401
00:33:14,367 --> 00:33:16,745
I have this condition,
I'm afraid.
402
00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:20,416
I seem to switch
personalities unexpectedly.
403
00:33:21,041 --> 00:33:22,839
You tried
to kill yourself.
404
00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:24,716
You strapped a bomb
to your chest.
405
00:33:28,590 --> 00:33:32,766
Then it seems events
are already in motion.
406
00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:38,150
I am Marcos Mendez, leader of
the revolution. And you are?
407
00:33:38,225 --> 00:33:40,273
Machete.
Oh, Machete.
408
00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:41,444
I've heard of you.
409
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:42,897
People sing
songs about you...
410
00:33:42,979 --> 00:33:44,902
We've had this talk already.
Come on, get up.
411
00:33:46,733 --> 00:33:48,451
I didn't hurt anyone,
did I?
412
00:33:49,611 --> 00:33:51,409
You had Cereza killed.
413
00:33:56,743 --> 00:34:00,748
Then I'm a monster
and I must die.
414
00:34:00,914 --> 00:34:02,086
Let's go.
415
00:34:02,249 --> 00:34:04,377
I will lay down my life
for the cause.
416
00:34:04,543 --> 00:34:07,217
And if you choose to
remain in my company,
417
00:34:07,295 --> 00:34:10,139
I fear you will become
its casualty, as well.
418
00:34:10,924 --> 00:34:11,971
Come on.
419
00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:58,434
Should've kept
up with your Spanish there, son.
420
00:34:58,513 --> 00:35:02,518
Sounds like we may be able to
string up this piñata after all.
421
00:35:02,601 --> 00:35:04,228
Let's get on it,
Clebourne.
422
00:35:04,311 --> 00:35:07,485
Sounds like bean-fried Pedros
are back in season.
423
00:35:07,564 --> 00:35:08,781
Come on!
424
00:35:19,576 --> 00:35:21,453
You wouldn't happen
to have a Popsicle
425
00:35:21,536 --> 00:35:22,753
I could stick up
my ass, would you?
426
00:35:28,501 --> 00:35:31,801
A martini. Extra dirty.
Two olives.
427
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,882
All we have is tequila
and Chango.
428
00:35:34,883 --> 00:35:35,930
Right.
429
00:35:36,009 --> 00:35:39,309
For a moment there, I forgot I was
in a black hole of sophistication.
430
00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:40,434
Chango it is.
431
00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:45,644
Although, your limited
selection of Mexican beer
432
00:35:45,727 --> 00:35:46,728
is not what
brings me here.
433
00:35:46,811 --> 00:35:47,983
So what does?
434
00:35:48,063 --> 00:35:49,235
You do, Carlos.
435
00:35:56,363 --> 00:35:57,706
But it can't be.
436
00:35:57,822 --> 00:35:59,324
They say you don't
have a face.
437
00:35:59,407 --> 00:36:00,499
They say you don't exist.
438
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:03,749
I may not exist,
but this gun does.
439
00:36:04,162 --> 00:36:05,459
You don't have
to do this!
440
00:36:05,538 --> 00:36:08,792
You can tell whoever hired you
that I'll give back the money.
441
00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:10,798
This isn't about
the money, Carlos,
442
00:36:10,877 --> 00:36:12,299
and it isn't about
my employer.
443
00:36:12,379 --> 00:36:14,347
It's about ethics.
444
00:36:14,422 --> 00:36:17,221
Now if I don't shoot you
square in the face,
445
00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:19,553
I would be violating a contractual
obligation and, well...
446
00:36:19,636 --> 00:36:21,684
Please.
Don't beg.
447
00:36:21,763 --> 00:36:24,607
Emotional confrontations
make me very uncomfortable.
448
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:28,107
How much for
the Change?
449
00:36:28,269 --> 00:36:29,270
50 cents.
450
00:36:29,437 --> 00:36:30,939
I'm gonna give you 75.
451
00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:33,408
Do you have change
for a dollar?
452
00:36:57,215 --> 00:36:58,762
I don't know
where the hell we are.
453
00:37:02,303 --> 00:37:03,475
Excuse me.
454
00:37:05,390 --> 00:37:09,145
We're a little lost. Any chance
you could steer us to León?
455
00:37:09,894 --> 00:37:11,066
I could.
456
00:37:11,813 --> 00:37:16,319
The trouble is, you've seen my
face and I've just changed.
457
00:37:25,660 --> 00:37:27,162
I'm truly sorry, ma'am.
458
00:37:28,163 --> 00:37:31,463
It's just a matter of time and
place not meeting in your favor.
459
00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:38,632
I am lost.
Can you help me with directions?
460
00:37:43,845 --> 00:37:46,348
Is there a bus
that goes nearby?
461
00:37:54,189 --> 00:37:55,532
"Maneater."
462
00:37:56,024 --> 00:37:59,494
That's what they used to call me
when I was just a little girl.
463
00:38:01,029 --> 00:38:02,952
I didn't know
what that meant,
464
00:38:03,198 --> 00:38:05,292
but that never
stopped my daddy
465
00:38:05,366 --> 00:38:08,836
from coming into my bed
after a night of drinking.
466
00:38:11,539 --> 00:38:16,466
So, one night, I gave
him what he deserved.
467
00:38:17,879 --> 00:38:21,975
I chewed his balls off
with my teeth!
468
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:25,936
The next day,
469
00:38:26,012 --> 00:38:30,643
I went to school with pieces
of him still in my braces.
470
00:38:32,727 --> 00:38:38,075
I became what he always
said I was, a maneater.
471
00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:44,865
I despise men.
I can't trust them.
472
00:38:45,031 --> 00:38:48,581
I think that
pussy clouds their minds.
473
00:38:49,994 --> 00:38:52,372
And now my little
Cereza lays dead
474
00:38:52,497 --> 00:38:55,501
because of that reason.
475
00:38:58,419 --> 00:39:01,218
And that's where
you come in.
476
00:39:02,924 --> 00:39:07,555
As random as a selection
as you might be,
477
00:39:08,263 --> 00:39:14,612
you're still a man, Papi,
and I am fucking famished!
478
00:39:19,774 --> 00:39:20,775
Madame?
479
00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:22,323
Yes?
480
00:39:22,402 --> 00:39:23,449
We've found them.
481
00:39:23,778 --> 00:39:25,280
Mendez and Machete.
482
00:39:25,446 --> 00:39:26,914
Bring me my double-D's.
483
00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:28,745
Gather all the girls.
484
00:39:28,908 --> 00:39:31,878
We're going
to avenge my Cereza.
485
00:39:38,293 --> 00:39:41,263
Hey! You want Mendez?
Here I am!
486
00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:46,685
You read
my mind, Machete.
487
00:39:47,886 --> 00:39:51,390
Yup. yup. yup, this is the
perfect place for my last meal.
488
00:39:55,143 --> 00:39:59,319
Give me and my friend here a
plate of your finest cabrito.
489
00:40:00,189 --> 00:40:05,491
And bring some bread and wine,
too, please. Thank you.
490
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:34,183
See, Machete, you're the
only one who doesn't want me dead.
491
00:40:45,777 --> 00:40:47,620
Puta madre, Machete.
492
00:40:47,779 --> 00:40:49,827
What the hell are you
doing back in Mexico?
493
00:40:49,989 --> 00:40:51,832
Our federales brothers
were very upset
494
00:40:51,908 --> 00:40:54,206
that you abandoned us
in the heat of battle.
495
00:40:54,369 --> 00:40:57,213
I heard you moved to the US and
cleaned rich people's pools, huh?
496
00:40:57,372 --> 00:40:58,794
Put the gun down.
497
00:40:58,873 --> 00:40:59,874
This man's a murderer.
498
00:40:59,958 --> 00:41:01,881
He killed 13 federales
in cold blood.
499
00:41:02,043 --> 00:41:04,387
13 crooked federales.
500
00:41:04,671 --> 00:41:06,719
Dirty lint in
Los Cuerpo's pocket.
501
00:41:06,881 --> 00:41:08,724
How the fuck do
you know that, puto?
502
00:41:08,883 --> 00:41:10,226
I was undercover.
503
00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:12,432
An agent?
504
00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:14,062
There's no agents
in Mexico.
505
00:41:14,222 --> 00:41:18,728
You're looking at Mexico's first,
last, and only secret agent.
506
00:41:18,893 --> 00:41:20,315
Give me one
fucking good reason
507
00:41:20,395 --> 00:41:22,238
I shouldn't shoot him
like the dog that he is.
508
00:41:22,397 --> 00:41:24,900
If he dies, thousands in
Washington die with him.
509
00:41:25,066 --> 00:41:27,068
And if he lives?
How many more will die?
510
00:41:27,235 --> 00:41:28,657
And why help the US?
511
00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:30,743
'Cause I'm the only one
who can.
512
00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:33,750
You were always
the sensitive one, Machete.
513
00:41:35,994 --> 00:41:38,497
Bloody hell!
It's a Mexican stand-off!
514
00:41:38,871 --> 00:41:39,963
I'm taking him in.
515
00:41:40,039 --> 00:41:41,336
Oh, really? Where?
516
00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:44,002
You will take me straight
to the cartels.
517
00:41:44,252 --> 00:41:46,846
Machete.
This man is a dirty cop.
518
00:41:46,921 --> 00:41:49,344
Shut your fucking mouth!
Shut up, loco!
519
00:41:49,424 --> 00:41:51,267
You shouldn't have
said that, amigo.
520
00:41:52,176 --> 00:41:58,274
Because if you call me loco, then
I'm afraid loco is what you get!
521
00:42:09,444 --> 00:42:10,696
Hello again, Machete.
522
00:42:10,778 --> 00:42:12,030
Say one more word!
523
00:42:12,196 --> 00:42:13,573
Let's make a better
Mexico, Machete.
524
00:42:13,781 --> 00:42:15,704
All you have to do is pull
that fucking trigger. Come on.
525
00:42:18,286 --> 00:42:19,287
Come on!
526
00:42:26,627 --> 00:42:27,719
See, Machete?
527
00:42:28,713 --> 00:42:31,557
Justice and law aren't
always the same thing.
528
00:42:43,144 --> 00:42:44,236
What the fuck
is going on here?
529
00:42:45,354 --> 00:42:46,697
Where's my cabrito?
530
00:42:49,317 --> 00:42:50,318
Machete!
531
00:43:36,155 --> 00:43:37,532
Hola.
532
00:43:49,210 --> 00:43:50,803
Ah, look at me,
top scores.
533
00:43:50,962 --> 00:43:53,465
Forgive my excitement, but I'm
just learning to speak Spanish.
534
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:57,135
Not by choice, but I can't get the,
uh, CD to change for the life of me.
535
00:43:57,301 --> 00:43:59,224
But fuck it.
When in Rome, right?
536
00:43:59,387 --> 00:44:02,812
Well, I'm trying to find a
place called Villa Guerrero.
537
00:44:02,890 --> 00:44:04,642
Perhaps you've heard of it?
No sé, señor.
538
00:44:04,725 --> 00:44:07,478
You haven't heard of it, or "no sé,"
you don't understand the question?
539
00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:13,735
Allow me to use
a more useful illustration.
540
00:44:14,735 --> 00:44:16,157
I'm really trying here.
541
00:44:16,571 --> 00:44:18,994
And if you say "no sé"
one more time,
542
00:44:19,073 --> 00:44:21,872
I'm gonna put a bullet in your
brain out of sheer frustration.
543
00:44:23,411 --> 00:44:26,585
Now then, Villa Guerrero?
544
00:44:32,420 --> 00:44:35,765
Your sense of direction doesn't
inspire confidence, señor
545
00:44:38,593 --> 00:44:40,345
Allow me to translate.
546
00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:56,115
Damn. I was just starting
to get used to this face.
547
00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,094
Ooh.
548
00:45:29,477 --> 00:45:31,320
Muy bien, indeed.
549
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,174
El doctor.
550
00:46:00,091 --> 00:46:01,263
Come quick.
551
00:46:04,512 --> 00:46:07,106
Get the fuck out of here.
I'm performing surgery.
552
00:46:09,850 --> 00:46:11,602
Put him in the bed there.
553
00:46:14,188 --> 00:46:16,031
Where are they?
Still inside.
554
00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:17,316
Okay, you two
take the rear.
555
00:46:37,211 --> 00:46:39,054
Machete!
556
00:46:39,380 --> 00:46:40,723
Come out and play!
557
00:46:41,716 --> 00:46:43,309
It's time
we had another fling!
558
00:46:43,718 --> 00:46:46,221
And bring that
baby-killer Mendez!
559
00:47:01,736 --> 00:47:03,659
Pucker up, lover boy.
560
00:47:04,572 --> 00:47:05,619
Suck on this!
561
00:47:25,426 --> 00:47:27,428
Ugh, that's disgusting!
562
00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:42,986
So I'm still alive.
563
00:47:43,736 --> 00:47:45,989
Good for you, Machete.
Good for you.
564
00:47:46,238 --> 00:47:48,332
This is the crazy
you talking?
565
00:47:50,159 --> 00:47:52,958
I can't continue to
live my life like this.
566
00:47:53,162 --> 00:47:54,914
You used to be cartel.
567
00:47:55,915 --> 00:47:58,259
And then you became
a revolutionary.
568
00:47:59,251 --> 00:48:02,175
Why?
I was never cartel.
569
00:48:03,422 --> 00:48:06,596
I was a secret agent
for the Mexican government.
570
00:48:07,593 --> 00:48:11,268
My mission was
to infiltrate Los Cuerpos.
571
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:13,603
I had to see things.
572
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:16,523
I had to do things.
573
00:48:17,186 --> 00:48:21,282
I had to watch people die in
ways that no man ever imagined.
574
00:48:21,524 --> 00:48:25,950
Compromising everything I
believed, I became one of them.
575
00:48:27,363 --> 00:48:29,081
I remember calling
my supervisor,
576
00:48:29,156 --> 00:48:31,705
telling him that
I wanted out,
577
00:48:31,784 --> 00:48:33,502
that I wanted
my life back.
578
00:48:34,954 --> 00:48:37,127
What I didn't know,
he was dirty.
579
00:48:38,124 --> 00:48:40,297
He had been bought
by the cartels.
580
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:43,964
They took me to
the killing room
581
00:48:44,046 --> 00:48:46,469
where my wife
and daughter were waiting.
582
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:49,222
And they made me watch
583
00:48:51,303 --> 00:48:55,900
as they beat them,
tortured them.
584
00:48:56,559 --> 00:48:58,061
And then it happened.
585
00:48:59,979 --> 00:49:02,573
The Madman took over
for the first time.
586
00:49:02,898 --> 00:49:07,825
My wife and baby girl died because I
trusted a system that did not exist.
587
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:11,790
I realized that if I was
ever going to change Mexico,
588
00:49:12,700 --> 00:49:14,543
I must do it myself.
589
00:49:14,994 --> 00:49:16,337
I started my own revolution
590
00:49:16,412 --> 00:49:20,883
against every single rotten motherfucker
responsible for this violence.
591
00:49:21,584 --> 00:49:23,586
I will die to see it through.
592
00:49:25,337 --> 00:49:28,181
The real tragedy
in it all is that
593
00:49:28,257 --> 00:49:30,851
people will never know
the truth about me.
594
00:49:31,510 --> 00:49:35,105
How about you? Does anybody
know the real Machete?
595
00:49:35,598 --> 00:49:38,568
Where's your partner?
Every cop has a partner.
596
00:49:38,893 --> 00:49:40,691
You couldn't keep
them alive, could you?
597
00:49:41,061 --> 00:49:42,563
Think about it.
How old are you?
598
00:49:43,230 --> 00:49:46,609
In your line of work, why
have you lived so long?
599
00:49:47,651 --> 00:49:50,746
Your partners knew about
self-sacrifice for the greater good.
600
00:49:51,238 --> 00:49:52,490
Not you, though.
601
00:49:53,073 --> 00:49:54,495
You know what
you are?
602
00:49:54,825 --> 00:49:55,997
Vengeance.
603
00:49:57,328 --> 00:49:59,080
You are vengeance.
604
00:49:59,330 --> 00:50:01,332
And vengeance never dies.
605
00:50:02,333 --> 00:50:04,176
It only changes targets.
606
00:50:08,339 --> 00:50:10,137
Blessing in disguise,
chacho.
607
00:50:10,299 --> 00:50:12,848
You'd never make it past the
wall in this piece of shit.
608
00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:15,513
You need a stronger vehicle,
an armored vehicle,
609
00:50:15,596 --> 00:50:17,439
and I know where
we can get one.
610
00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:19,767
Small town near
the border.
611
00:50:19,934 --> 00:50:21,527
There's a chop-shop there.
612
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:26,489
Satellite feed coming online.
613
00:50:27,191 --> 00:50:29,910
Once he crosses the
border, we can move in.
614
00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:44,383
Come on. Come on,
come on, come on.
615
00:50:45,209 --> 00:50:48,429
Come on, you want to get
across that wall or what?
616
00:50:48,504 --> 00:50:49,630
This is cartel turf.
617
00:50:49,672 --> 00:50:52,050
You led us right to 'em, you
crazy son of a bitch! Shh.
618
00:50:52,132 --> 00:50:54,476
No, no, no, no.
Be quiet.
619
00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:56,895
They're all around us.
620
00:50:57,972 --> 00:50:59,394
Waiting.
621
00:51:00,891 --> 00:51:02,643
Lurking.
622
00:51:11,569 --> 00:51:12,821
We're looking for a ride.
623
00:51:12,987 --> 00:51:16,332
Well, this ain't Enterprise
fucking Rent-A-Car.
624
00:51:17,658 --> 00:51:19,501
These are custom orders.
625
00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:21,458
I would do as
he says, Grasa.
626
00:51:21,620 --> 00:51:24,294
Well, look at this.
627
00:51:24,456 --> 00:51:28,586
Marcos Mendez
in the flesh.
628
00:51:28,752 --> 00:51:29,753
This will do.
629
00:51:29,837 --> 00:51:31,180
No shit it'll do.
630
00:51:31,338 --> 00:51:34,012
That baby's my
fucking masterpiece.
631
00:51:34,633 --> 00:51:37,136
Could take her through a
minefield without a flat tire.
632
00:51:47,521 --> 00:51:48,693
Cartel!
633
00:51:51,817 --> 00:51:52,864
Easy, hombre.
634
00:51:53,527 --> 00:51:56,701
You wouldn't shoot a man in
a wheelchair, would you?
635
00:51:58,198 --> 00:51:59,324
No.
636
00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:16,558
I'm jealous.
637
00:52:45,204 --> 00:52:46,831
Go, Machete, go!
638
00:52:54,755 --> 00:52:56,883
Hola, motherfucker.
639
00:53:05,432 --> 00:53:07,184
Let's go to the nude beach.
640
00:53:30,249 --> 00:53:31,922
Hey there, lover boy!
641
00:53:37,464 --> 00:53:38,807
Ladies, give them hell.
642
00:53:38,966 --> 00:53:40,684
Save lover boy
for Mama.
643
00:53:40,759 --> 00:53:42,602
I have a special package
for him.
644
00:53:42,803 --> 00:53:44,976
Killjoy, give me
my strap-on!
645
00:53:57,651 --> 00:53:58,994
Grab the wheel.
646
00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:06,335
Get out!
647
00:54:22,134 --> 00:54:23,852
Fuck!
You're dead.
648
00:55:08,555 --> 00:55:11,900
Fuck, Machete!
You're crazier than I am!
649
00:55:12,351 --> 00:55:15,070
Crazy like
a gypsy fuck, man!
650
00:55:15,687 --> 00:55:17,155
Oh, what you gonna do?
651
00:55:17,231 --> 00:55:19,074
Drive through it? It's solid concrete.
652
00:55:19,566 --> 00:55:21,568
Machete, what the hell
are you doing?
653
00:55:21,735 --> 00:55:23,829
Even Jesus couldn't get
through that damn wall!
654
00:55:23,904 --> 00:55:25,702
Do you know another way?
There is no other way!
655
00:55:25,864 --> 00:55:28,708
That's why they call
it a wall, God damn it!
656
00:55:29,243 --> 00:55:30,665
I know a way.
657
00:55:30,828 --> 00:55:33,047
See that graffiti tag
on the wall?
658
00:55:33,580 --> 00:55:35,048
Drive straight for it.
659
00:55:35,207 --> 00:55:38,427
An inch to either side and they'll
be scraping us off the cement.
660
00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:39,757
Which Mendez are you?
661
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:42,548
The one who wants to help
you get across the border.
662
00:55:42,631 --> 00:55:43,928
Hit it!
663
00:55:51,598 --> 00:55:54,272
We built the tunnels
when they built the wall.
664
00:56:16,415 --> 00:56:17,632
You made it!
665
00:56:19,126 --> 00:56:21,925
Well, sweet Jezebel!
666
00:56:22,254 --> 00:56:25,178
I think we just hit us
a stroke of beaner's luck
667
00:56:25,257 --> 00:56:26,930
running into
you again, Taco.
668
00:56:27,092 --> 00:56:28,890
You know, you and your
compadre are going for about
669
00:56:28,969 --> 00:56:31,097
10 million buckaroos
a head.
670
00:56:31,263 --> 00:56:33,391
I was never straight A's
in algebra,
671
00:56:33,473 --> 00:56:37,819
but that is a shit-fire-fuck-me-hallelujah
lot of money.
672
00:56:38,312 --> 00:56:41,282
I figure we oughta take advantage
of your lucrative predicament
673
00:56:41,815 --> 00:56:43,613
and get us up to squares.
674
00:56:43,775 --> 00:56:45,823
No distractions this time,
right, Clebourne?
675
00:56:45,986 --> 00:56:47,238
That's right, Sheriff.
676
00:56:47,321 --> 00:56:48,447
All right then.
677
00:56:49,281 --> 00:56:50,908
Sayonara, Taco.
678
00:57:10,677 --> 00:57:12,304
Special Agent Mendez.
679
00:57:13,138 --> 00:57:14,515
How many of you
are there?
680
00:57:14,848 --> 00:57:16,475
Sorry, that's classified.
681
00:57:19,478 --> 00:57:20,821
What the hell is that?
682
00:57:24,191 --> 00:57:25,693
My welcome party.
683
00:57:31,657 --> 00:57:33,455
You didn't think
it would all be over
684
00:57:33,533 --> 00:57:35,331
once we crossed
the border, did you?
685
00:57:35,702 --> 00:57:38,296
Who do you think gave me that
missile in the first place?
686
00:57:40,707 --> 00:57:43,506
There is a grand
conductor behind all this.
687
00:57:47,047 --> 00:57:49,220
Zaror! You're alive!
688
00:58:30,924 --> 00:58:33,222
Why re-elect
President Rathcock?
689
00:58:33,385 --> 00:58:36,104
He dished out $6 million
of taxpayer money
690
00:58:36,263 --> 00:58:39,267
to space technology companies
like VozTech Industries.
691
00:58:39,433 --> 00:58:42,903
He built a wall protecting us
from the threat of illegals.
692
00:58:43,061 --> 00:58:47,567
He took a stand and defended our
second amendment with a vengeance.
693
00:58:47,941 --> 00:58:50,945
And to boost our national
economy to an all-time high,
694
00:58:51,111 --> 00:58:54,081
he made marijuana
legal in 48 states.
695
00:58:54,239 --> 00:58:57,459
My fellow Americans, it's
been a groovy four years.
696
00:58:57,617 --> 00:58:59,790
But there is still so
much left to accomplish.
697
00:58:59,953 --> 00:59:02,456
For me, winning was
only the beginning.
698
00:59:02,622 --> 00:59:04,124
Re-elect Rathcock.
699
00:59:04,291 --> 00:59:07,636
A name you like,
a face you can trust.
700
00:59:25,270 --> 00:59:27,272
Don't worry,
Mr. Cortez.
701
00:59:27,814 --> 00:59:29,987
You haven't failed
your mission yet.
702
00:59:34,321 --> 00:59:35,493
Where am I?
703
00:59:35,655 --> 00:59:38,534
Recuperating in my sumptuous
healing pool right now.
704
00:59:38,617 --> 00:59:39,869
Do you like it?
705
00:59:39,951 --> 00:59:40,918
And as you can see,
706
00:59:40,994 --> 00:59:45,841
our friend Marcos Mendez is still
very much alive and ticking.
707
00:59:47,459 --> 00:59:50,963
Which makes him
still very much a threat.
708
00:59:51,129 --> 00:59:52,972
It needs to be disarmed.
709
00:59:53,340 --> 00:59:55,013
You don't know what
you're dealing with.
710
00:59:55,175 --> 00:59:56,677
Well, actually, I do.
711
00:59:57,135 --> 00:59:58,478
I invented it.
712
00:59:58,970 --> 01:00:00,688
Allow me to
introduce myself.
713
01:00:01,139 --> 01:00:04,268
My name is Luthor Voz.
714
01:00:04,434 --> 01:00:07,278
Let me admit, I've been following
your career for quite some time now.
715
01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:09,860
I am a tremendous fan
of your work, Mr. Cortez.
716
01:00:10,023 --> 01:00:12,651
As an aficionado of
the arts of war myself,
717
01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:15,037
I just gotta say that you
are one genuine article,
718
01:00:15,195 --> 01:00:17,994
Genghis Khan, high caliber,
fucker-people-upper.
719
01:00:18,698 --> 01:00:21,451
You're a warrior,
Mr. Cortez. A killer.
720
01:00:21,868 --> 01:00:24,542
A survivor. Like me.
721
01:00:25,539 --> 01:00:27,041
Just try to relax.
722
01:00:27,207 --> 01:00:30,711
I mean, if I wanted you dead,
you'd be fucking dead.
723
01:00:31,002 --> 01:00:32,675
Are you gonna
disarm it or not?
724
01:00:33,171 --> 01:00:34,718
I'm leaning towards not.
725
01:00:35,674 --> 01:00:38,348
But that all very much
depends on you, Mr. Cortez.
726
01:00:39,845 --> 01:00:41,847
You sold Mendez
the missile.
727
01:00:42,556 --> 01:00:45,184
No. I gave it to him.
728
01:00:45,350 --> 01:00:48,194
But then, I've given a lot of bad
things to a lot of bad people,
729
01:00:48,353 --> 01:00:50,230
but that does not
make me one of them.
730
01:00:51,356 --> 01:00:52,858
Get dressed, Mr. Cortez.
731
01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,035
Allow me to try
and convince you.
732
01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:00,248
I'll turn my back.
733
01:01:05,245 --> 01:01:07,498
Welcome to VozTech,
734
01:01:07,914 --> 01:01:12,886
the world's premier space technology
and weapons manufacturer.
735
01:01:13,044 --> 01:01:15,968
You know, Time Magazine
once called me
736
01:01:16,047 --> 01:01:18,891
a merchant of death
with an assembly line.
737
01:01:19,050 --> 01:01:22,554
But one very special day,
I began to think bigger.
738
01:01:23,054 --> 01:01:28,402
And now I've turned science
fiction into science reality.
739
01:01:28,935 --> 01:01:33,406
And this, this is where
we conduct our training exercises.
740
01:01:33,565 --> 01:01:35,693
For what?
Our exodus.
741
01:01:35,859 --> 01:01:37,361
When NASA asked
me to build them
742
01:01:37,444 --> 01:01:39,617
a new state-of-the-art
luxury spacestation,
743
01:01:39,779 --> 01:01:42,282
I luxuriously told
them to fuck themselves.
744
01:01:42,449 --> 01:01:45,123
Why, you ask? Well, because I'd
already built one of my own.
745
01:01:45,285 --> 01:01:47,754
It's up there right now, just
floating the fuck around,
746
01:01:47,913 --> 01:01:49,881
waiting for me and my
people to inhabit it.
747
01:01:50,040 --> 01:01:51,917
In fact, Mr. Cortez...
Machete.
748
01:01:52,083 --> 01:01:53,551
Incidentally, Mr. Machete,
749
01:01:53,627 --> 01:01:56,426
I plan on moving into my new
space pad very, very soon.
750
01:01:56,504 --> 01:01:58,927
I'm very excited.
Here, have a heart.
751
01:01:59,007 --> 01:02:00,133
What about the heart?
752
01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:02,561
Well, that's why
I'm relocating.
753
01:02:02,802 --> 01:02:03,928
Climb aboard.
754
01:02:05,138 --> 01:02:07,311
Yes, I'm a Star Wars fan.
755
01:02:08,099 --> 01:02:10,943
Tanks, missiles,
bread and butter.
756
01:02:11,144 --> 01:02:13,238
It's the simple
things that fund
757
01:02:13,313 --> 01:02:15,657
my more out-of-this-world
enterprises.
758
01:02:15,815 --> 01:02:17,567
Why Mendez?
Why?
759
01:02:17,651 --> 01:02:19,904
Well, bin Laden is dead
760
01:02:19,986 --> 01:02:22,705
and America has always
needed its boogeyman,
761
01:02:22,781 --> 01:02:24,499
so I created a new one.
762
01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:29,667
Yes, I supplied Señor Mendez
with the fireworks.
763
01:02:29,829 --> 01:02:32,628
But given Mendez's
aptitude for the unpredictable,
764
01:02:32,958 --> 01:02:35,336
I left one of my men
behind to keep me abreast
765
01:02:35,418 --> 01:02:37,420
of his process
or lack thereof.
766
01:02:37,629 --> 01:02:39,006
What's your plan
have to do with me?
767
01:02:39,297 --> 01:02:41,675
I have high hopes
for you, Mr. Machete.
768
01:02:41,841 --> 01:02:43,969
Higher than you could
mentally ascend to.
769
01:02:49,140 --> 01:02:50,483
A spaceship?
770
01:02:50,642 --> 01:02:53,987
Technically speaking,
space shuttle.
771
01:02:54,062 --> 01:02:55,689
Not to mention,
my legacy.
772
01:02:56,022 --> 01:02:58,150
It all started about
six years ago.
773
01:02:58,316 --> 01:03:02,116
I privately funded a suborbital launch.
Went up myself.
774
01:03:02,862 --> 01:03:05,832
Yeah, I was something of a
thrill-seeker back then.
775
01:03:06,157 --> 01:03:08,501
Before what I like to
call "the incident."
776
01:03:09,494 --> 01:03:13,499
I was up amongst the stars and
something inexplicable happened to me.
777
01:03:13,665 --> 01:03:14,882
I saw the future.
778
01:03:15,041 --> 01:03:16,714
I saw the world ending.
779
01:03:17,168 --> 01:03:19,717
It unfolded right before
my very eyes.
780
01:03:22,173 --> 01:03:24,016
And that's why
I built this.
781
01:03:24,384 --> 01:03:28,560
Aboard it, me and anyone who wants
to join me will take flight.
782
01:03:28,847 --> 01:03:31,942
And when kingdom comes,
as it surely will,
783
01:03:32,017 --> 01:03:34,270
we'll be safe
amongst the stars.
784
01:03:34,394 --> 01:03:37,238
Noah had his ark,
I got mine.
785
01:03:38,231 --> 01:03:39,448
You really believe that?
786
01:03:40,233 --> 01:03:41,860
I believe what I see.
787
01:03:42,068 --> 01:03:46,073
And luckily for you, sir,
I saw you up there with me.
788
01:03:47,032 --> 01:03:49,080
I see glimpses
of what lies ahead.
789
01:03:49,242 --> 01:03:52,212
It's a condition I was left
with after the incident.
790
01:03:54,205 --> 01:03:57,004
Speaking of which, I'd take a
step or two back if I were you.
791
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:04,050
You ever had déja vu?
Lasts a couple of seconds, right?
792
01:04:04,215 --> 01:04:07,219
With me,
it's been two years.
793
01:04:08,678 --> 01:04:10,726
You don't believe
me now, but you will.
794
01:04:11,056 --> 01:04:13,809
Now if I couldn't
see into the future,
795
01:04:13,892 --> 01:04:16,270
then how could I have
made all these?
796
01:04:16,436 --> 01:04:20,612
Mr. Machete, I present to
you the arms of tomorrow.
797
01:04:20,774 --> 01:04:22,071
Pick your fancy.
798
01:04:30,283 --> 01:04:33,127
And you pick the only one
in the place that's faulty.
799
01:04:33,787 --> 01:04:37,417
I'm sorry, but my molecule
blaster doesn't quite work yet.
800
01:04:37,582 --> 01:04:39,584
It keeps turning
shit inside-out.
801
01:04:40,794 --> 01:04:43,092
Perhaps this is more
your speed anyway.
802
01:04:43,254 --> 01:04:45,302
Primitive, lightweight.
803
01:04:46,257 --> 01:04:48,305
Retro, yet high-tech.
804
01:04:49,094 --> 01:04:50,311
Demonstration?
805
01:04:57,102 --> 01:04:58,194
Like it?
806
01:04:58,269 --> 01:04:59,486
Yes.
807
01:04:59,646 --> 01:05:00,647
It's yours.
808
01:05:00,939 --> 01:05:04,284
And now, Mr. Machete, if I
could just cut to the rub.
809
01:05:05,110 --> 01:05:07,158
I'd like to recruit you.
810
01:05:07,237 --> 01:05:08,580
You already have
enough men.
811
01:05:08,738 --> 01:05:10,160
No, but not the best
by any means.
812
01:05:10,323 --> 01:05:13,623
How can they be when you so
dominantly claim that title yourself?
813
01:05:14,077 --> 01:05:15,454
Demonstration.
814
01:05:15,995 --> 01:05:17,167
Good luck.
815
01:05:54,033 --> 01:05:56,707
Encore.
Encore.
816
01:05:58,455 --> 01:06:00,173
Or three?
817
01:06:03,334 --> 01:06:06,053
Genetically engineered
super soldiers, you see.
818
01:06:06,379 --> 01:06:07,551
Clones.
819
01:06:13,386 --> 01:06:14,558
Have at 'em.
820
01:06:48,421 --> 01:06:50,389
Just as I predicted.
821
01:06:50,757 --> 01:06:53,055
No match for
the likes of you.
822
01:06:59,390 --> 01:07:03,611
I created my clones because where I'm
going, I'm going to need an army.
823
01:07:04,145 --> 01:07:06,864
And that poor dead bastard
you met in Mexico, Zaror,
824
01:07:06,940 --> 01:07:08,192
he was my prototype.
825
01:07:08,525 --> 01:07:12,120
But since you fucked him up like a
Special Ed science fair project,
826
01:07:13,071 --> 01:07:14,823
I'm left to regret
my choice.
827
01:07:15,657 --> 01:07:17,409
You still haven't
told me why I'm here.
828
01:07:17,575 --> 01:07:20,704
I need a stronger specimen from
which to draw a new batch of clones
829
01:07:20,787 --> 01:07:23,336
and I was hoping that you
would do me that honor, sir.
830
01:07:24,916 --> 01:07:26,759
There is only one Machete.
831
01:07:26,960 --> 01:07:28,462
But what if
there were more?
832
01:07:29,087 --> 01:07:32,057
What if there was an army
of enhanced Machetes?
833
01:07:32,131 --> 01:07:34,429
Machete, Machete.
Everywhere Machete!
834
01:07:35,093 --> 01:07:38,597
You and I together, we'd be a
force to be reckoned with.
835
01:07:45,687 --> 01:07:47,940
I'm sorry.
I may have overreacted,
836
01:07:48,106 --> 01:07:52,657
but that numbnuts was about to spill
a bottle of 1787 Chateau Lafite.
837
01:07:52,819 --> 01:07:54,287
No more games.
838
01:07:56,114 --> 01:07:57,115
Disarm it.
839
01:07:57,282 --> 01:07:58,454
Join me.
840
01:07:58,616 --> 01:08:00,960
Surely you know by now that I
know how all this turns out.
841
01:08:01,119 --> 01:08:02,871
Then you know
I'm taking this.
842
01:08:03,037 --> 01:08:05,005
Oh, and where will you go?
843
01:08:05,081 --> 01:08:06,799
You know I'm the only
one that can disarm it.
844
01:08:08,042 --> 01:08:09,715
I'll find someone else.
845
01:08:09,961 --> 01:08:11,304
Oh, good luck with that.
846
01:08:11,462 --> 01:08:13,556
But I think there's one more
little thing you should know.
847
01:08:14,299 --> 01:08:16,722
Mendez wasn't
my only boogeyman.
848
01:08:17,302 --> 01:08:20,647
North Korea, Russia,
I have a Mendez everywhere.
849
01:08:21,222 --> 01:08:24,317
And in a matter of hours,
they'll launch on one another,
850
01:08:24,475 --> 01:08:28,355
throwing the world into gargantuan,
unrecoverable anarchy.
851
01:08:28,730 --> 01:08:29,947
Too many syllables?
852
01:08:30,106 --> 01:08:31,323
The world is fucked.
853
01:08:31,399 --> 01:08:32,571
Why?
854
01:08:32,734 --> 01:08:36,329
This world must end in order for
a more perfect one to emerge.
855
01:08:36,487 --> 01:08:39,491
And like it or not, Mr. Machete,
you're coming with me.
856
01:09:04,974 --> 01:09:07,068
Goddamn, you're good!
857
01:09:08,394 --> 01:09:09,395
Get that bastard!
858
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:12,904
Try not to get too many of yourselves
killed in the process!
859
01:09:52,647 --> 01:09:56,072
My molecule blaster
doesn't quite work right yet.
860
01:09:57,318 --> 01:09:59,491
It keeps turning
shit inside-out.
861
01:11:36,501 --> 01:11:38,003
What took you so long?
862
01:11:38,169 --> 01:11:39,921
You're luck I came at all.
863
01:11:49,347 --> 01:11:51,896
Oh, we'll meet again,
Mr. Machete.
864
01:11:53,601 --> 01:11:55,023
I've seen it.
865
01:11:57,605 --> 01:12:00,700
Been tracking you since your
bounty hit the airwaves.
866
01:12:00,858 --> 01:12:03,236
Quite a shit-storm you
stirred up down south.
867
01:12:03,402 --> 01:12:06,872
I thought I'd tap in. Couldn't
let you have all the fun.
868
01:12:07,865 --> 01:12:10,459
Hey. I'm sorry
about Sartana.
869
01:12:11,118 --> 01:12:12,290
We all are.
870
01:12:13,037 --> 01:12:15,131
She was one
of the good ones.
871
01:12:16,791 --> 01:12:19,340
As you can see, the
Network's gone full scale.
872
01:12:20,378 --> 01:12:21,925
We're new and improved.
873
01:12:22,004 --> 01:12:25,884
Over 500,000 extractions
and counting.
874
01:12:26,133 --> 01:12:30,855
When they put up the wall, we had
to up our game, find funding.
875
01:12:31,806 --> 01:12:36,152
Now, our reach extends all
the way to San Cristóbal.
876
01:12:37,562 --> 01:12:38,779
The rules are the same.
877
01:12:38,938 --> 01:12:40,736
You get in,
you gotta earn it.
878
01:12:40,898 --> 01:12:43,617
We monitor our members to make
sure they're doing their part.
879
01:12:43,901 --> 01:12:47,576
If they're not, I'll deport
their asses myself.
880
01:12:51,659 --> 01:12:53,252
Missing?
All of them?
881
01:12:53,494 --> 01:12:55,747
MIA. Every last
one of them.
882
01:12:55,913 --> 01:12:58,382
One minute they're tearing
ass for the border,
883
01:12:58,457 --> 01:13:01,552
the next,
they're vanished.
884
01:13:01,711 --> 01:13:03,463
Disappeared without
a trace.
885
01:13:03,754 --> 01:13:07,099
It's like aliens abducted
by goddamn aliens.
886
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:09,469
You gotta check this out.
887
01:13:09,635 --> 01:13:11,854
This is the surveillance
footage we got.
888
01:13:16,100 --> 01:13:18,944
We think the same douchebag
that took you took them.
889
01:13:19,103 --> 01:13:21,606
Seems like he's building
some sort of secret weapon,
890
01:13:21,772 --> 01:13:24,116
possibly needs the Mexican
labor to finish it.
891
01:13:24,275 --> 01:13:25,447
It's in space.
892
01:13:26,110 --> 01:13:28,204
He wants to get there before
the missiles take off.
893
01:13:28,362 --> 01:13:31,036
What missiles? What the
fuck are you talking about?
894
01:13:31,574 --> 01:13:34,293
Launch trigger is wired
to a biological clock.
895
01:13:34,452 --> 01:13:36,546
We need to find someone
to disarm it.
896
01:13:36,621 --> 01:13:38,089
You got anybody
in the Network?
897
01:13:39,373 --> 01:13:42,252
Yeah. But you
don't like him.
898
01:13:53,220 --> 01:13:54,722
Osiris.
899
01:14:03,522 --> 01:14:05,195
Come on, Machete,
he's with us.
900
01:14:05,274 --> 01:14:06,696
He's not with me.
901
01:14:06,859 --> 01:14:08,532
He's our only bomb guy.
902
01:14:08,694 --> 01:14:10,662
You wanna choke
him out, go ahead.
903
01:14:10,821 --> 01:14:12,664
I hear it's always
the blue wire.
904
01:14:15,660 --> 01:14:17,162
What's he doing here?
905
01:14:17,495 --> 01:14:19,497
He came to me about
six months ago.
906
01:14:19,664 --> 01:14:21,416
Said he'd changed his tune.
907
01:14:21,582 --> 01:14:23,425
Cabrones ain't got no tune.
908
01:14:23,584 --> 01:14:27,214
I know that you would prefer
to see me all sorts of dead,
909
01:14:27,505 --> 01:14:30,930
but God has already cursed
me for what I did to Padre.
910
01:14:31,717 --> 01:14:33,094
That's why I'm here.
911
01:14:34,011 --> 01:14:35,854
To finish your brother's work.
912
01:14:36,347 --> 01:14:38,941
My only redemption
is in righting that wrong.
913
01:14:39,266 --> 01:14:43,863
So, please, give me mercy and I
swear I will make it up to you.
914
01:14:44,355 --> 01:14:45,857
Or die trying.
915
01:14:46,607 --> 01:14:48,609
I'd have it no other way.
916
01:14:50,111 --> 01:14:51,863
This is your bomb guy?
917
01:14:51,946 --> 01:14:53,869
You can try
the Yellow Pages.
918
01:14:56,701 --> 01:14:58,294
I gotta make a call.
919
01:14:58,953 --> 01:15:00,626
You'd better be somewhere
with shit reception,
920
01:15:00,705 --> 01:15:02,548
because I've been trying
to reach you all damn day.
921
01:15:02,790 --> 01:15:04,633
Where's Mendez?
Dead.
922
01:15:04,792 --> 01:15:06,544
But his heart still beats.
923
01:15:06,711 --> 01:15:08,008
You're joking, right?
924
01:15:08,087 --> 01:15:09,885
Machete don't joke.
925
01:15:10,214 --> 01:15:11,306
Humor me.
926
01:15:11,549 --> 01:15:12,801
Who's got the heart?
927
01:15:12,967 --> 01:15:16,722
Voz. He's bad news. Been using
Mendez to do all his dirty work.
928
01:15:16,887 --> 01:15:18,810
Machete, I'm gonna stop
you right there, okay?
929
01:15:18,973 --> 01:15:22,227
Luthor Voz may have his hand in a
lot of pockets, but he's harmless.
930
01:15:22,393 --> 01:15:24,771
He sponsors my damn
pageant, for Christ's sake.
931
01:15:24,854 --> 01:15:26,071
You need to alert
the President.
932
01:15:26,147 --> 01:15:27,694
Just calm down.
933
01:15:27,857 --> 01:15:30,610
Tell me your location and we'll
talk about this in person.
934
01:15:31,152 --> 01:15:33,405
Better meet somewhere else.
Have it your way.
935
01:15:33,571 --> 01:15:36,575
I'm gonna text you a rendezvous point
after my swimsuit competition.
936
01:15:43,080 --> 01:15:44,582
Who's the bitch?
937
01:15:44,665 --> 01:15:45,837
Handler.
938
01:15:50,671 --> 01:15:51,718
You fuck her?
939
01:15:55,092 --> 01:15:56,218
Yeah, you did.
940
01:15:56,677 --> 01:15:57,974
What, you got a problem?
941
01:15:58,137 --> 01:15:59,684
Yeah, I got a problem.
942
01:16:00,014 --> 01:16:02,984
When you smell like pussy, it
means you're pussy-whipped.
943
01:16:03,142 --> 01:16:05,736
And when you're pussy-whipped,
your judgment's cloudy.
944
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:07,863
Just jealous.
945
01:16:09,356 --> 01:16:11,108
Is that her?
946
01:16:12,109 --> 01:16:14,111
I thought Machete
don't text.
947
01:16:15,654 --> 01:16:18,328
Machete loves everybody.
948
01:16:20,201 --> 01:16:21,703
Man, screw this.
949
01:16:23,454 --> 01:16:24,671
Where you going?
950
01:16:24,747 --> 01:16:25,964
With you.
951
01:16:26,290 --> 01:16:31,296
It takes a bitch to make a
bitch and I smell fish taco.
952
01:16:31,670 --> 01:16:33,468
Tito, Osiris.
953
01:16:35,257 --> 01:16:37,259
Taco time.
954
01:17:00,908 --> 01:17:03,286
What do you know?
I won.
955
01:17:03,661 --> 01:17:04,913
Congratulations.
956
01:17:04,995 --> 01:17:06,497
It's exciting, right?
957
01:17:06,831 --> 01:17:08,833
You're looking at
the new Miss Texas.
958
01:17:08,999 --> 01:17:10,000
Who are they?
959
01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:13,171
Listen, cariño, I would love
to stay and chit-chat with you,
960
01:17:13,337 --> 01:17:15,431
but not while there's a live
missile inside state lines.
961
01:17:15,589 --> 01:17:16,806
So would you please,
pretty please,
962
01:17:16,882 --> 01:17:19,010
get into the car and debrief
me on your mission?
963
01:17:19,176 --> 01:17:22,180
If that's even what you'd like to
call your blood-splattered fiasco.
964
01:17:22,346 --> 01:17:23,939
How'd you know?
Know what?
965
01:17:24,098 --> 01:17:26,100
The missile.
That it was here.
966
01:17:28,686 --> 01:17:30,029
Look at you.
967
01:17:31,355 --> 01:17:33,574
Smarter than
the average Mexican.
968
01:17:33,732 --> 01:17:35,200
You work for Voz.
969
01:17:35,609 --> 01:17:39,113
I promised to turn you over to Voz
and Voz promised me the crown.
970
01:17:39,280 --> 01:17:42,955
See, I can't really
sing or twirl a baton,
971
01:17:44,702 --> 01:17:45,954
but I can win.
972
01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:49,540
Oh.
973
01:17:49,623 --> 01:17:51,466
Papi, I'm sorry.
974
01:17:52,042 --> 01:17:54,966
You and I really could
have had something,
975
01:17:55,045 --> 01:17:57,924
but I just love killing
a good romance.
976
01:18:00,050 --> 01:18:01,222
Make it count.
977
01:18:27,036 --> 01:18:29,755
I knew I smelled bitch
in the air tonight.
978
01:18:29,914 --> 01:18:32,542
Payback's the only bitch
you need to worry about.
979
01:18:32,708 --> 01:18:35,757
This dress costs more
than your fucking life!
980
01:18:37,421 --> 01:18:41,096
Didn't anybody ever tell you not
to wear a dress to a gunfight?
981
01:18:42,843 --> 01:18:45,517
Oh, baby, I always
dress to the nines.
982
01:18:47,431 --> 01:18:49,183
I dress to kill.
983
01:18:51,852 --> 01:18:53,354
Wait, no, wait!
No, wait!
984
01:19:07,701 --> 01:19:09,374
Where's Tito?
He's down.
985
01:19:21,590 --> 01:19:22,807
Go, I got this.
986
01:19:27,554 --> 01:19:28,897
How many do we got?
987
01:19:40,651 --> 01:19:41,652
Fuck!
988
01:19:48,701 --> 01:19:49,998
He's on the roof!
989
01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:51,503
Yeah, no shit
he's on the roof!
990
01:19:51,662 --> 01:19:55,132
Will one of you please get
him off the roof... Shit!
991
01:19:56,875 --> 01:19:57,967
For crying out loud,
992
01:19:58,043 --> 01:19:59,886
will one of you well-paid,
well-trained
993
01:19:59,962 --> 01:20:02,056
gentlemen please shoot
that motherfucker?
994
01:20:04,425 --> 01:20:05,551
Thank you!
995
01:20:26,363 --> 01:20:27,706
This is the President.
996
01:20:27,865 --> 01:20:29,742
Mr. President,
it's Miss San Antonio.
997
01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:32,203
Machete never showed
up to the rendezvous.
998
01:20:32,619 --> 01:20:34,462
I just hope
that he's still alive.
999
01:20:39,960 --> 01:20:41,962
It doesn't matter.
It's not worth it. Let's go.
1000
01:20:42,046 --> 01:20:44,140
Aren't you the one that
taught me that the law and justice
1001
01:20:44,214 --> 01:20:45,761
aren't always the same thing?
1002
01:20:46,633 --> 01:20:48,010
We gotta stop 'em.
1003
01:22:14,471 --> 01:22:15,643
Fuck it.
1004
01:22:17,141 --> 01:22:18,518
Who am I kidding?
1005
01:22:24,398 --> 01:22:27,948
I really must hand
it to you, mi amigo.
1006
01:22:28,485 --> 01:22:30,988
You are a difficult man
to catch up with.
1007
01:22:31,363 --> 01:22:33,786
You have no idea what I
went through to get here.
1008
01:22:33,949 --> 01:22:36,998
Hours, I spent stranded
on that desert highway
1009
01:22:37,161 --> 01:22:39,414
until this holy rolling
rig came along.
1010
01:22:47,171 --> 01:22:50,175
Lady. Please. Help me.
1011
01:22:50,340 --> 01:22:53,810
You and all your drug-pushing
compadres just derailed my pursuit,
1012
01:22:53,886 --> 01:22:58,016
so frankly, I'm leaning in
another direction entirely.
1013
01:22:58,098 --> 01:22:59,315
Give me mercy.
1014
01:22:59,475 --> 01:23:01,819
There's about three things
I'd rather give you
1015
01:23:01,894 --> 01:23:04,147
and they're all in the
chamber of this gun.
1016
01:23:06,064 --> 01:23:07,532
Straight up?
1017
01:23:07,691 --> 01:23:09,238
Or with some flair?
1018
01:23:10,569 --> 01:23:11,946
Straight up?
1019
01:23:12,196 --> 01:23:13,948
Or flair?
1020
01:23:14,448 --> 01:23:17,042
Whatever is the more
interesting way to die.
1021
01:23:23,707 --> 01:23:25,129
Weirdo.
1022
01:23:45,646 --> 01:23:48,775
You know, I rather
enjoy my new disguise.
1023
01:23:49,900 --> 01:23:53,575
I must apologize for making
you dig your own grave.
1024
01:23:53,737 --> 01:23:56,411
It's appalling, not offering you
a more professional courtesy,
1025
01:23:56,573 --> 01:23:58,575
but I'm not
one for hard labor.
1026
01:23:58,742 --> 01:24:02,872
You on the other hand, being Mexican
and all, you must be used to it.
1027
01:24:03,413 --> 01:24:04,414
And...
1028
01:24:07,584 --> 01:24:09,837
Holy fucking
underground tunnel!
1029
01:24:25,185 --> 01:24:26,277
People!
1030
01:24:27,020 --> 01:24:28,488
Did you see the Mexican guy?
1031
01:24:28,939 --> 01:24:30,156
Drop it!
1032
01:24:30,232 --> 01:24:34,282
Reach for the sky before I put
that illegal face in a tussle.
1033
01:24:36,655 --> 01:24:39,454
You have it all wrong.
This is all a big mistake.
1034
01:24:39,616 --> 01:24:43,837
Only mistake you made was dancin'
across that border, muchacho.
1035
01:24:43,996 --> 01:24:45,873
No, no, you don't understand.
1036
01:24:46,873 --> 01:24:48,295
I am no Mexican.
1037
01:24:48,458 --> 01:24:50,426
Don't move your hands, amigo!
1038
01:24:50,586 --> 01:24:53,806
Sir, really, listen
to my voice.
1039
01:24:54,047 --> 01:24:55,799
Do I sound Mexican?
1040
01:24:55,966 --> 01:24:58,219
I am from Ontario,
for fuck's sake!
1041
01:24:58,552 --> 01:25:01,305
Canadian and Mexican.
1042
01:25:01,972 --> 01:25:03,064
Double-whammy.
1043
01:25:03,140 --> 01:25:04,608
Smoke this fool!
1044
01:25:48,685 --> 01:25:49,982
Get him some water!
1045
01:25:50,937 --> 01:25:52,439
No time for water.
1046
01:25:54,441 --> 01:25:57,695
Doc Felix needs to see him right away.
Machete!
1047
01:25:58,612 --> 01:25:59,864
You're back.
1048
01:26:03,950 --> 01:26:05,497
Sorry if I smell.
1049
01:26:05,661 --> 01:26:08,210
Did you know the average person
passes gas 14 times a day?
1050
01:26:08,705 --> 01:26:10,048
It's true.
1051
01:26:10,916 --> 01:26:13,544
Our target, Luthor Voz.
1052
01:26:13,835 --> 01:26:16,884
The same proper fuck who's
been jacking our members.
1053
01:26:17,047 --> 01:26:20,551
As we speak, he's got a missile
pointed right up our ass.
1054
01:26:21,885 --> 01:26:26,891
And since it looks like no one else
is gonna stop him, it's on us.
1055
01:26:27,057 --> 01:26:30,402
Machete's mission with Voz
has nothing to do with us.
1056
01:26:30,560 --> 01:26:32,483
We are the Network.
1057
01:26:32,646 --> 01:26:34,068
Our mission is Mexico.
1058
01:26:34,231 --> 01:26:35,904
Our mission has changed.
1059
01:26:36,066 --> 01:26:37,238
He's right.
1060
01:26:37,567 --> 01:26:38,568
I'll go it alone.
1061
01:26:38,652 --> 01:26:40,996
You're not going anywhere
without me, cabrón.
1062
01:26:41,655 --> 01:26:43,077
No time to argue.
1063
01:26:43,990 --> 01:26:45,116
Fuck that.
1064
01:26:46,535 --> 01:26:49,004
Let me explain
something, mi gente.
1065
01:26:49,538 --> 01:26:51,666
This isn't about
Mexico no more.
1066
01:26:52,249 --> 01:26:53,751
It's about the world.
1067
01:26:54,084 --> 01:26:57,759
No world, no Mexico.
1068
01:26:58,088 --> 01:26:59,260
Count me in.
1069
01:26:59,423 --> 01:27:01,346
Me, too.
Me, too.
1070
01:27:02,008 --> 01:27:03,351
Ditto.
1071
01:27:03,593 --> 01:27:05,595
Viva Machete!
1072
01:27:09,182 --> 01:27:11,276
Looks like
it's settled, Machete.
1073
01:27:11,852 --> 01:27:12,944
When do we hit 'em?
1074
01:27:13,353 --> 01:27:14,650
Tonight.
1075
01:27:22,946 --> 01:27:24,493
Network-1 in position.
1076
01:27:24,656 --> 01:27:26,329
Network-2 in position.
1077
01:27:27,117 --> 01:27:28,414
Copy that.
1078
01:27:28,493 --> 01:27:29,585
Here you are.
1079
01:27:31,121 --> 01:27:32,122
Thank you.
1080
01:27:48,430 --> 01:27:52,776
Ladies and
gentlemen, your host, Voz!
1081
01:28:04,029 --> 01:28:06,532
My fellow travelers,
my friends,
1082
01:28:07,282 --> 01:28:12,630
I proudly present the Millennium-1
ready to launch right on schedule.
1083
01:28:12,788 --> 01:28:14,131
Now before long,
1084
01:28:14,289 --> 01:28:18,635
we'll be transported to the heavens on
a maiden voyage of Titanic proportion.
1085
01:28:19,419 --> 01:28:21,296
And once the world is purged,
1086
01:28:21,379 --> 01:28:26,601
we'll return to bring about
a new world together!
1087
01:28:31,056 --> 01:28:33,479
In a moment, the boarding
process will begin.
1088
01:28:33,558 --> 01:28:37,358
But first, my friends,
prepare for infinity!
1089
01:28:37,896 --> 01:28:40,820
Reveal your new selves to me!
1090
01:28:50,575 --> 01:28:52,418
Why don't you
tell them the truth?
1091
01:28:54,913 --> 01:28:58,588
Tell them you orchestrated all this.
The missiles, the heart.
1092
01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:02,755
Would someone please help the help?
He seems to be lost.
1093
01:29:02,921 --> 01:29:06,971
Tell them if the world ends,
you're the one who ended it.
1094
01:29:08,260 --> 01:29:10,604
How can this be? This isn't
supposed to be happening.
1095
01:29:10,762 --> 01:29:13,106
No, this isn't supposed to be...
I never saw this.
1096
01:29:14,099 --> 01:29:15,897
Machete happens.
1097
01:29:16,351 --> 01:29:19,070
Look, this is no time
for second thoughts.
1098
01:29:19,521 --> 01:29:21,774
The end is near,
I assure you.
1099
01:29:21,940 --> 01:29:23,283
For you.
1100
01:29:24,442 --> 01:29:25,443
Let's do this.
1101
01:29:33,952 --> 01:29:37,923
Well, ladies and gents, I had hoped
to have an uninhibited evening,
1102
01:29:39,541 --> 01:29:41,214
but now it seems...
1103
01:29:41,626 --> 01:29:42,878
Guards!
1104
01:29:57,058 --> 01:29:58,981
What about Voz?
We find the heart first.
1105
01:29:59,144 --> 01:30:00,487
After you, chief.
1106
01:30:08,486 --> 01:30:10,159
Motherfuckers!
1107
01:30:16,578 --> 01:30:19,127
What the beating
fuck is that?
1108
01:30:20,165 --> 01:30:23,760
Yeah, I'm more of a cherry bomb,
matchstick kind of guy, you know.
1109
01:30:23,919 --> 01:30:27,423
Semtex, TNT.
50-50 shot on a good day.
1110
01:30:27,589 --> 01:30:30,968
But this... I mean, high
octane organs ain't my bag.
1111
01:30:32,010 --> 01:30:33,637
Then what good are you?
1112
01:30:43,229 --> 01:30:46,028
Never mind.
We're live.
1113
01:30:48,360 --> 01:30:52,991
It's a shame I have to kill you now,
Mr. Machete, but if you gotta go,
1114
01:30:55,325 --> 01:30:56,827
go inside-out.
1115
01:30:57,327 --> 01:30:58,544
No!
1116
01:31:00,372 --> 01:31:01,715
We're even.
1117
01:31:51,381 --> 01:31:53,258
Well, what can I say?
1118
01:31:54,259 --> 01:31:58,059
I suppose we both like getting
our hands a little dirty.
1119
01:32:06,938 --> 01:32:08,611
You can't beat me, you know.
1120
01:32:09,399 --> 01:32:13,745
I know your every move
even before you do.
1121
01:32:20,577 --> 01:32:22,170
Nobody knows Machete.
1122
01:32:23,121 --> 01:32:24,122
That's true.
1123
01:32:24,289 --> 01:32:29,511
Ever since I met you, the future has been
more unclear, and that, that puzzles me.
1124
01:32:33,256 --> 01:32:34,929
But then I figured it out.
1125
01:32:35,258 --> 01:32:37,807
There's just not a whole lot
going on up there, is there?
1126
01:32:41,806 --> 01:32:46,152
I admit, I may not be able to
predict you as accurately now,
1127
01:32:46,811 --> 01:32:51,942
but I assure you, I'm every bit
as merciless as what you are.
1128
01:32:52,817 --> 01:32:54,285
Demonstration?
1129
01:33:35,860 --> 01:33:38,579
Keep fighting, God damn it!
1130
01:33:43,076 --> 01:33:44,328
Preach it, sister.
1131
01:33:49,749 --> 01:33:51,046
How poetic.
1132
01:33:51,334 --> 01:33:54,383
Now you really are
the blind leading the blind.
1133
01:34:09,894 --> 01:34:12,738
Round them up, let's go!
Get them on the shuttle now.
1134
01:34:13,356 --> 01:34:15,108
And someone find Voz.
1135
01:34:45,763 --> 01:34:47,765
All right, folks,
let's keep it moving.
1136
01:34:47,932 --> 01:34:50,936
Form a single-file line,
one after another. Thank you.
1137
01:34:51,269 --> 01:34:54,773
Missile launch in T
minus two minutes.
1138
01:34:55,565 --> 01:34:57,909
One after another.
What the hell?
1139
01:35:01,321 --> 01:35:04,120
Keep your hands in the straps
and hold on tight.
1140
01:35:36,272 --> 01:35:37,273
Really?
1141
01:35:38,942 --> 01:35:40,535
You're gonna make
me kill a blind chick?
1142
01:35:42,487 --> 01:35:44,330
I'm pretty sure they're gonna
take my crown for that.
1143
01:35:44,489 --> 01:35:48,119
That's all right. They'll just give it to
the next bimbo who spreads like butter.
1144
01:36:01,297 --> 01:36:02,640
All right, darling.
1145
01:36:04,008 --> 01:36:05,510
You wanna tango?
1146
01:36:07,303 --> 01:36:08,850
Let's tango.
1147
01:36:09,013 --> 01:36:10,686
Mano-a-mano, motherfucker.
1148
01:36:18,022 --> 01:36:21,276
Missile
launch in T minus one minute.
1149
01:36:21,359 --> 01:36:23,327
Watch it now, pussycat.
1150
01:36:23,486 --> 01:36:27,161
That's not a very lady-like
kind of thing to say.
1151
01:36:27,323 --> 01:36:28,540
I don't do lady-like.
1152
01:36:33,413 --> 01:36:36,508
So what then, you're just a
regular old cranky bitch?
1153
01:36:36,708 --> 01:36:38,051
Or is it PMS?
1154
01:36:38,209 --> 01:36:40,632
If it were PMS,
you'd be dead already.
1155
01:36:57,186 --> 01:36:58,859
It was fun while it lasted.
1156
01:37:35,892 --> 01:37:37,485
So now what happens?
1157
01:37:39,896 --> 01:37:42,115
Ask the last guy
who shot my eye out.
1158
01:37:55,661 --> 01:37:58,164
It appears
we have a stray.
1159
01:37:58,247 --> 01:38:02,798
And where, oh, where might our mutual
acquaintance be at this moment?
1160
01:38:02,960 --> 01:38:04,428
Pissing on your sunny day.
1161
01:38:04,587 --> 01:38:06,260
You fucked with
the wrong Mexican.
1162
01:38:06,422 --> 01:38:07,719
Indeed I have.
1163
01:38:07,799 --> 01:38:10,268
However, in 20 seconds,
none of that will matter,
1164
01:38:10,426 --> 01:38:14,476
but you, well, you're looking at
a pickle any way you slice it.
1165
01:38:14,639 --> 01:38:17,438
I can't see, but I could
still kick your ass.
1166
01:38:17,600 --> 01:38:19,819
That's why I'm taking
you with me.
1167
01:38:24,774 --> 01:38:26,071
Ah!
1168
01:38:29,821 --> 01:38:31,823
Load her onto the shuttle.
1169
01:38:39,497 --> 01:38:40,669
Bring them.
1170
01:38:41,124 --> 01:38:43,627
They can join the other
laborers we abducted.
1171
01:38:44,794 --> 01:38:47,673
There'll be plenty of work
to be done up there.
1172
01:38:49,465 --> 01:38:52,014
This is your captain speaking.
1173
01:38:52,635 --> 01:38:57,687
I apologize in advance for the discomfort
you may experience during our travels,
1174
01:38:57,849 --> 01:39:00,352
but we are unforeseeably
overbooked.
1175
01:39:00,518 --> 01:39:05,194
So please hang on and try
and enjoy the flight.
1176
01:39:08,526 --> 01:39:11,700
See you in space,
Mr. Machete.
1177
01:39:58,576 --> 01:40:00,749
Get the fuck off that man.
He just saved the world's ass.
1178
01:40:03,247 --> 01:40:06,376
Machete, I got your message. We
were able to stop the other missiles.
1179
01:40:06,542 --> 01:40:08,044
Where's that
son of a bitch Voz?
1180
01:40:11,088 --> 01:40:13,021
Are you telling me
that turkey is just up
1181
01:40:13,047 --> 01:40:15,118
there floating around
with weapons and shit?
1182
01:40:17,261 --> 01:40:20,140
I got a wild idea.
Just hear me out.
1183
01:40:21,265 --> 01:40:25,111
I can put you on a SpaceX
rocket, top of the line.
1184
01:40:26,437 --> 01:40:29,111
You go up into space.
1185
01:40:29,398 --> 01:40:30,570
I'll do it.
1186
01:40:32,610 --> 01:40:33,907
I'll do it.
1187
01:40:34,946 --> 01:40:36,573
Your country thanks you.
1188
01:40:46,290 --> 01:40:48,793
Good luck, Machete.
Get the bastard.
1189
01:41:54,191 --> 01:41:57,320
I'm President Rathcock
and I approve this message.
1190
01:47:36,992 --> 01:47:39,711
You can't surprise
pussy-punch someone.